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Blond Joke #53
Blonde walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! It really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Chuck Norris Jokes
Being a child of the 80s, we not only had the best music ever, but we also spent our pre-teens in the '70s watching Chuck Norris movies. Spoiler: The good guy always wins, no matter how bad the acting is. So much so, that Chuck Norris acquired cult status for his apparent invincibility and Christ-like infallibility, his ging-ger mullet hairstyle, his downhill-Volkswagen-Beetle physiognomy, his same-ish martial arts moves, and his dreadful acting. But we thought the movies were awesome back then.
Still, you can't be a celeb without being the butt of a few jokes, and a whole new formula of jokes was born around Chuck Norris. Here are some of the good jokes:
Mein Großvater Witz
Mein Großvater hat immer zu mir gesagt: "Junge, gehe nicht ins Bordell, da gibt es Dinge, die du nicht sehen solltest."
Natürlich bin ich aus Neugier dann doch mal hingegangen.
Und was hast du gesehen?
Meinen Großvater!
SQL Joke
A SQL Query walks into a bar and goes up to two tables and asks: "Can I join you?"
Frikkie in Irak
Frikkie is 'n huur soldaat en besluit om aan te sluit by die American marines in Irak. En een dag is hy afgesonder van die res en 3 Irakse soldate keer hom vas op 'n sand duin en hy besef hy sal moet 'n plan maak hier.
The Cats' Bill of Rights
1. Humans shall make no law respecting an establishment of boundaries or prohibiting the free exercise therein, or abridging the freedom of access, or the right to peaceful assembly.
In other words:
The cat is entitled to go outside any time s/he wants.
Poland: I am here for the Beer
Winter in Poland is cold - it is -20°C today and the rivers and lakes are frozen over. Hot food helps and was thus consumed. I hope I am wrong, but it appears to me that Polish cuisine consists of cabbage, cabbage, cabbage, potatoes and some meat. And large dill pickles. This is what lunch today suggested in any case: I had 3 different types of cabbage piled high onto my plate - red cabbage, cole-slow and sauerkraut - by a lovely little old lady in the local eatery who thought I lacked essential gasses.
A horse walks into a bar joke #78
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of ale, The barkeeper says: "You're in here quite often, do think you might be an alcoholic?", "I don't think I am", said the horse, and then vanishes out of existence.
You see, the joke is about Descartes' philosophy of "I think, therefore I am, I am, therefore I think", but to explain this before the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
If a tree falls in a forest...
Bishop Berkeley espoused the school of thought called Idealism, which went along the lines of: "To be, is to be perceived". One fyne day he dreamt the following conundrum up: "If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?" The implication is that if no one perceives the event, not only does the tree not make a sound, but the tree does not even exist.
This is, of course, a load of old rubbish. The good Bishop can't do me for defamation since he ceased being perceived in 1753. Had he lived in today's more cynical world, he may well have come up with more relevent thought-experiments to illustrate the philosophy of Idealism, thus:
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